There must come a point where you look at yourself in the mirror and know, sometimes by choice sometimes by transformation but that you really are no longer your old man. But that you are a new creation in Christ Jesus, and everything that that means. You a free, boundless, limitless in the perfect He. You are completely and totally accepted and chosen by the only one who can really choose.That your life has been written by the Author and illustrated by the Artist. That you are completely satisfied in His love alone. That He is your source. That you are full and satisfied in Him alone. There must come a day when you are beautiful because He thinks you are, when you are are loved because you are His beloved. There must come a day where you own the name that is brazened in your inner man...Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. A name that flows in harmony with inspiration, that is, the act of breathing. The very air is Spirit.
Whether we feel it, or know it to be true, it is Truth. There is no use living in anything other.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
be hungry and satisfied.
A call the intimacy with the living God inside of you. The kingdom is within you. Everything that God could give you, He has already given it to you in Jesus. "It is finished." I have watched a pattern occur in my life where I feel lack in some way and cry out for it, as if it needed to be sent by mail from some place far far away, the kingdom is inside me. God is near, so very near. So there is this incredible beautiful tension of discover the kingdom, that is within us. Our bellies are full in Jesus, yet there exists this incredible groan for more that escapes my lips regularly from some deep unseen place. How do we be satisfied and hungry at the same time? I am chewing on this one, We hunger for the manifestation of what we know to be true and hidden with Jesus, who is within us, waiting to be revealed in increasing measure. So I need only meditate on the fullness in Jesus within me, and I will be satisfied. I've noticed that even as I am aware of this fullness I can feel it and it releases His Presence. Let this year be marked with this intimacy. We are not lacking, but complete in Christ Jesus. As I have heard quoted so often here, "God hides things for us, not from us" like the proverb that says, "It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, but the glory of kings to search a matter out"
The more I sit, embrace and delight in the fullness of God in me, the more I discover about Him and about who I am in Him, and watch the overflow of Him released. I love you Jesus.
The more I sit, embrace and delight in the fullness of God in me, the more I discover about Him and about who I am in Him, and watch the overflow of Him released. I love you Jesus.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Permission
There is a destiny that God has for your life, spaces in heaven reserved for your access alone, that He alone can take you to. Because He not only loves you so much He died to know you, but He also really likes you and wants to do everything with you, in love all day long. Jesus died so that this could happen; so that you could know Love Himself and pursue a great love story together releasing the sweet fragrance of heaven and precious name of Jesus wherever you go. He will take away every obstacle that gets in the way, fear, doubt, need, pain, sickness, anything that gets in the way of the destiny that He has for you and wants to make happen with you. It's something only you can do, the world will be less without it. It will be great, it will be grand, it will be real. You will be free of every chain and protected in His arms, filled with love and belly blasting joy. And you will be able to give this gift through His love to everyone, to give to everyone the Greatest Love of All, freedom and destiny. You have permission to go chase your destiny. Go.
don't talk, pray.
Just a quick note of truth i've encountered over the past two weeks...I realized that I should be praying a whole lot more than I should talk, counsel, minister or explain. Not by words, but by the power of God. It is a whole lot easier too.
On another note, I was blasted by the joy of the Lord last night with two friends and was left crawling out of church and laying on the parking lot cement laughing with utter and complete joy! Let this year be marked with His Joy! After all it was for the JOY! set before Him that He endured the cross, (hebrews 12:2) and in His Presence is fullness of JOY! (psalm 16) Let me always abide in Your Presence God.
On another note, I was blasted by the joy of the Lord last night with two friends and was left crawling out of church and laying on the parking lot cement laughing with utter and complete joy! Let this year be marked with His Joy! After all it was for the JOY! set before Him that He endured the cross, (hebrews 12:2) and in His Presence is fullness of JOY! (psalm 16) Let me always abide in Your Presence God.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
The Story.
"The Demystification of How One Soccer Playing Bible Bashing Woman Ends Up At Supernatural School of Ministry"
An intriguing tale indeed, if time permits you I'd like to share this story of the past 3 years or so of my life.
Some time in 1993 in Miami Springs, Florida a nine year old girl fell in love. She fell in love with the sport of soccer. In the midst of family struggles and the crazy advent of puberty and adolescence, this young girl clung desperately to her lover for identity and safe harbor from the confusion all around. But as the years went by she began to experience the affects of clinging to a love that could never really satisfy, and to a persona who was never really she. For little did she know then that the things we do or achieve are not at all the composition of who we really are, and a great sadness began to sink in, little by little, until it over took the now young woman who had never let herself be fully known by herself or anyone else outside of kicking around a silly soccer ball.
Here is where things get interesting. Up to this point I hope you can tell that "she" is me!:) I played soccer in college all four years and every year I sunk deeper and deeper in to depression. By the tail end of my senior year I had learned to manage my depression, but this one day I just did not know what to do, graduation was coming up and I had no plans (after all, essentially soccer was my major in college). And so one cold dark spring day in New York I about to get ready to go somewhere and I was overcome with despair. I fell to my knees and for the first time lifted my head to the sky and said "What am I going to do?!" and I heard "Just pray." So I began to pray every night. Soon later an opportunity came for me to play soccer professionally in Denmark which I within two months would quit to face the great unknown, knowing full well that I was hiding in soccer. And also a man came into my life that while the relationship was brief and less than ideal He shared with me about this Jesus. Four months of wine drinking, mad- journaling, long walk taking, soul searching and a four month long road trip up the East Coast later God came marching into my life. I simply would not settle until this hunger was satisfied, I knew there had to me more. A dear friend I hadn't heard from in 6 years called me and I knew she was changed and somehow peaceful since the last time I saw her. Jesus had gotten a hold of her life and now I could ask her about all the burning exploding feeling in my chest and all my questions! She pointed me to a semi-pro Christian soccer team called the Charlotte Eagles in Charlotte, NC. Now, up until about a year or so before this point I wanted nothing to do with Jesus or Christianity for the majority of my life, I thought this soccer team was going to be a bunch long skirt and turtleneck wearing open toed sandals and no make up kind of gig. Fortunately, they were a bunch of incredibly talented soccer players and beautiful cool women, who would lead me to the Lord and baptize me in the Gulf of Mexico on a road trip. When this happened I knew that God loved me and that He now lived inside of me and I would never experience the degree of the emptiness that depression had over me again. This team would also invite me on my first missions trips. First to Brazil for 4 months!! That was so tough, but awesome! and then later to Ethiopia in April 2008.
This is where the supernatural part comes in so get ready because I know what I experienced and I know I am not crazy. Up to this point in all my Bible reading, I had just assumed that angels and demons and miracles and deliverance and satan was this super high lofty esoteric realm that surely little 6 month old Christian Holly would never experience or only existed back in the Bible day. But how like Jesus to say "You are ready now for I am sufficient." The Lady Eagles took a team trip to Ethiopia where a portion of our trip would be spending time(4 days) and ministering to an Ethiopian women's soccer team. We spent this time with them out at a camp in the bush playing soccer, having fun, and sharing stories. For those four days I began having nightmares where I would wake up literally paralyzed and one night even watched as a dark figure approached me and I could no longer tell if my eyes were open or closed. I was scared. By the fourth day at dinner time we would quickly discover one of the Ethiopian soccer players was demonically possessed as she manifested in incredible strength right in front of our eyes. Leaders immediately took her to a safe place and began praying for her deliverance and exercising the authority of Jesus over her. Meanwhile our team worshiped and prayed for an hour until the lady was delivered and walked out in perfect peace. This was my first experience with the supernatural, unfortunately the dark side of it. But it was not over for me.
A few weeks later, as my second season with the Lady Eagles began, I began again having nightmares in which I would awake paralyzed and would feel and the presence of evil in my room. I would at one point actually see that a demon was in my room for a period of 2 months. In this time I felt helpless against it for I did not know the authority of Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit within me. The Bible was a live and well for me and realized that the word of God really was my sword (Eph 6). And that "For in Him dwells the fullness of the Godhead bodily; and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power." Colossians 2:9-10 Once I began to accept this I would slowly but surely work up the courage to face the demon in my room. And one night I was determined so I sat up in my bed and began to pray until I believed what I was praying and I literally could feel the difference of just me praying and then suddenly I felt myself full of the truth and presence of Jesus, at this moment the demon just left. For it is that way. "Having disarmed principalities and powers, He made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them in it" Colossians 2:15 And I understood that Jesus in power was really in me.
This catapulted me into the world of the supernatural Christianity whether I wanted it or not. And if satan is real and has real power over the ignorant I chose to become un-ignorant and began to take authority of the places in my life that I realized satan was having a picnic. One being depression. (Note: I realize that some cases of depression require some medical help and cannot be treated entirely as a spiritual case) There are more things that God has brought up over this past year but as I bring it to the power of Jesus, it must bow down to his precious name and obey.
And I now understand Galatians 5:1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.
So if the evil is real, how much more is God's reality, His healing, His miracles, His signs and wonders? And then I read this verse..."John14:12 "Most assuredly I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father." WHAT???!!! Greater works??? ME???
Now I know it is not about miracles in and of themselves. For what He desires is simply us to know Him and be known. Salvation in and of itself is a miracle and supernatural event. Through His works, we learn what He is like, and Jesus healed every single person that came to Him. And Jesus only did what He saw His Father do in heaven. That tells me a lot about the heart of the Father. And suddenly I realized that I was living under the visage of a lesser Gospel, living under less than what Jesus paid the price for me to have.
But the problem was I was not seeing this in my everyday life or in everyday church. No one was talking about it, but it is right there in front of my face and right in my bedroom! My experience of Jesus has been separate from any ingrained theology or denomination and I realized that the Bible was not fully alive in the place I was in outside of the pages it was written on. Sure there was a whole lot behavior heart modification and studies being taught(which are so valuable), but no interaction, relationship or mention of the Person of the Holy Spirit who Jesus spent a hefty amount of time talking about and even told the disciples NOT to go out and minister until the Holy Spirit came and they received power.
So I have found myself here at Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, where I am letting the Word of God work in and through me. When I look at the ministry of Jesus there was nothing natural about it and if He not only is our example but also lives in us, it doesn't seem that crazy to say "supernatural." Reading the Bible it just seems like the supernatural is everyday Christian life. Jesus is the same today, as He was then, and will ever be. I am unaware of whatever publicity or articles are online about this place, all I know is that I read a few books by the pastors and been listening to their Sunday morning sermons via podcast for the past year and come alive inside. And I am fully committed to follow Jesus and power of His love wherever it takes me, that I may become more free and more filled with Him that I can be like Paul when He says "For the Kingdom of God is not in word, but in power" 1Corinthians 4:20, all coming from the overflow of the greatest commandment of loving God with all my being and life and loving others as myself. And I am watching joyfully as the fruits of the Spirit are manifesting themselves in my life by the incredible working of God. I am free, by the glorious work of Jesus!
So please forgive the length of this address but I felt I had to do it. It was not meant to put anything in anyone's face but expose my journey as I lived it these past two and half years. I want to live transparently, honorably, and passionately for what I believe and know to be true. Bless you for reading this, and thank you so much for being apart of my life.
An intriguing tale indeed, if time permits you I'd like to share this story of the past 3 years or so of my life.
Some time in 1993 in Miami Springs, Florida a nine year old girl fell in love. She fell in love with the sport of soccer. In the midst of family struggles and the crazy advent of puberty and adolescence, this young girl clung desperately to her lover for identity and safe harbor from the confusion all around. But as the years went by she began to experience the affects of clinging to a love that could never really satisfy, and to a persona who was never really she. For little did she know then that the things we do or achieve are not at all the composition of who we really are, and a great sadness began to sink in, little by little, until it over took the now young woman who had never let herself be fully known by herself or anyone else outside of kicking around a silly soccer ball.
Here is where things get interesting. Up to this point I hope you can tell that "she" is me!:) I played soccer in college all four years and every year I sunk deeper and deeper in to depression. By the tail end of my senior year I had learned to manage my depression, but this one day I just did not know what to do, graduation was coming up and I had no plans (after all, essentially soccer was my major in college). And so one cold dark spring day in New York I about to get ready to go somewhere and I was overcome with despair. I fell to my knees and for the first time lifted my head to the sky and said "What am I going to do?!" and I heard "Just pray." So I began to pray every night. Soon later an opportunity came for me to play soccer professionally in Denmark which I within two months would quit to face the great unknown, knowing full well that I was hiding in soccer. And also a man came into my life that while the relationship was brief and less than ideal He shared with me about this Jesus. Four months of wine drinking, mad- journaling, long walk taking, soul searching and a four month long road trip up the East Coast later God came marching into my life. I simply would not settle until this hunger was satisfied, I knew there had to me more. A dear friend I hadn't heard from in 6 years called me and I knew she was changed and somehow peaceful since the last time I saw her. Jesus had gotten a hold of her life and now I could ask her about all the burning exploding feeling in my chest and all my questions! She pointed me to a semi-pro Christian soccer team called the Charlotte Eagles in Charlotte, NC. Now, up until about a year or so before this point I wanted nothing to do with Jesus or Christianity for the majority of my life, I thought this soccer team was going to be a bunch long skirt and turtleneck wearing open toed sandals and no make up kind of gig. Fortunately, they were a bunch of incredibly talented soccer players and beautiful cool women, who would lead me to the Lord and baptize me in the Gulf of Mexico on a road trip. When this happened I knew that God loved me and that He now lived inside of me and I would never experience the degree of the emptiness that depression had over me again. This team would also invite me on my first missions trips. First to Brazil for 4 months!! That was so tough, but awesome! and then later to Ethiopia in April 2008.
This is where the supernatural part comes in so get ready because I know what I experienced and I know I am not crazy. Up to this point in all my Bible reading, I had just assumed that angels and demons and miracles and deliverance and satan was this super high lofty esoteric realm that surely little 6 month old Christian Holly would never experience or only existed back in the Bible day. But how like Jesus to say "You are ready now for I am sufficient." The Lady Eagles took a team trip to Ethiopia where a portion of our trip would be spending time(4 days) and ministering to an Ethiopian women's soccer team. We spent this time with them out at a camp in the bush playing soccer, having fun, and sharing stories. For those four days I began having nightmares where I would wake up literally paralyzed and one night even watched as a dark figure approached me and I could no longer tell if my eyes were open or closed. I was scared. By the fourth day at dinner time we would quickly discover one of the Ethiopian soccer players was demonically possessed as she manifested in incredible strength right in front of our eyes. Leaders immediately took her to a safe place and began praying for her deliverance and exercising the authority of Jesus over her. Meanwhile our team worshiped and prayed for an hour until the lady was delivered and walked out in perfect peace. This was my first experience with the supernatural, unfortunately the dark side of it. But it was not over for me.
A few weeks later, as my second season with the Lady Eagles began, I began again having nightmares in which I would awake paralyzed and would feel and the presence of evil in my room. I would at one point actually see that a demon was in my room for a period of 2 months. In this time I felt helpless against it for I did not know the authority of Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit within me. The Bible was a live and well for me and realized that the word of God really was my sword (Eph 6). And that "For in Him dwells the fullness of the Godhead bodily; and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power." Colossians 2:9-10 Once I began to accept this I would slowly but surely work up the courage to face the demon in my room. And one night I was determined so I sat up in my bed and began to pray until I believed what I was praying and I literally could feel the difference of just me praying and then suddenly I felt myself full of the truth and presence of Jesus, at this moment the demon just left. For it is that way. "Having disarmed principalities and powers, He made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them in it" Colossians 2:15 And I understood that Jesus in power was really in me.
This catapulted me into the world of the supernatural Christianity whether I wanted it or not. And if satan is real and has real power over the ignorant I chose to become un-ignorant and began to take authority of the places in my life that I realized satan was having a picnic. One being depression. (Note: I realize that some cases of depression require some medical help and cannot be treated entirely as a spiritual case) There are more things that God has brought up over this past year but as I bring it to the power of Jesus, it must bow down to his precious name and obey.
And I now understand Galatians 5:1 It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.
So if the evil is real, how much more is God's reality, His healing, His miracles, His signs and wonders? And then I read this verse..."John14:12 "Most assuredly I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father." WHAT???!!! Greater works??? ME???
Now I know it is not about miracles in and of themselves. For what He desires is simply us to know Him and be known. Salvation in and of itself is a miracle and supernatural event. Through His works, we learn what He is like, and Jesus healed every single person that came to Him. And Jesus only did what He saw His Father do in heaven. That tells me a lot about the heart of the Father. And suddenly I realized that I was living under the visage of a lesser Gospel, living under less than what Jesus paid the price for me to have.
But the problem was I was not seeing this in my everyday life or in everyday church. No one was talking about it, but it is right there in front of my face and right in my bedroom! My experience of Jesus has been separate from any ingrained theology or denomination and I realized that the Bible was not fully alive in the place I was in outside of the pages it was written on. Sure there was a whole lot behavior heart modification and studies being taught(which are so valuable), but no interaction, relationship or mention of the Person of the Holy Spirit who Jesus spent a hefty amount of time talking about and even told the disciples NOT to go out and minister until the Holy Spirit came and they received power.
So I have found myself here at Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, where I am letting the Word of God work in and through me. When I look at the ministry of Jesus there was nothing natural about it and if He not only is our example but also lives in us, it doesn't seem that crazy to say "supernatural." Reading the Bible it just seems like the supernatural is everyday Christian life. Jesus is the same today, as He was then, and will ever be. I am unaware of whatever publicity or articles are online about this place, all I know is that I read a few books by the pastors and been listening to their Sunday morning sermons via podcast for the past year and come alive inside. And I am fully committed to follow Jesus and power of His love wherever it takes me, that I may become more free and more filled with Him that I can be like Paul when He says "For the Kingdom of God is not in word, but in power" 1Corinthians 4:20, all coming from the overflow of the greatest commandment of loving God with all my being and life and loving others as myself. And I am watching joyfully as the fruits of the Spirit are manifesting themselves in my life by the incredible working of God. I am free, by the glorious work of Jesus!
So please forgive the length of this address but I felt I had to do it. It was not meant to put anything in anyone's face but expose my journey as I lived it these past two and half years. I want to live transparently, honorably, and passionately for what I believe and know to be true. Bless you for reading this, and thank you so much for being apart of my life.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
2 Timothy 1:12
BAM! Thats how this verse hit me, I tingled all over.
2Timothy 1:12 For this reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless, I am not ashamed for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that day.
So. As I mentioned in an early post about getting to know the person of the Holy Spirit, not just about Him. When I read this verse a lot became clear for me, I realized that I knew a lot of God's promises and a lot things that I know to be true about Him based upon certain Scripture that I have read, but that still does not mean that I know Him! Punched in the face...POW!
I realized that this is what seperates Moses from the Israelites. The Israelites knew God's promise for them and lived in a continual state of being in want and cashing in their promise...a cold business transaction that God willingly in His love accepts. But Moses.... Moses saw God face to face, He knew His Presence, He glowed from it. It was from this posture and relationship that Moses could not help but ask God Almighty "Show me your glory." And that was the OT! The lesser covenant! Where the Presence resided in an object, but now...it resides in us. He wants to know us, not for anything we could do or any promise we could keep...(Abrahams faith alone made him righteous, no work, no labor...just faith), and our relationship to Him should be the same, just because His Presence is so sweet, it is where we shine with His glory that we are free to show to the world. It is His presence where Paul can say, "I know Him." Anyone can know the promises of God, but only those who go to the secret place, to the "thick darkness where God was"(Ex20:21). And so I have set off to know Him and to know His Presence and when it comes into the room like a friend, I want to be able to recognize His Presence. I even think we can go so far to say that our physical bodies were built to be able to sense it. After all His desire was to inhabit us.
Psalm 91:1
He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of His wing.
I am learning to practice the Presence, and like Moses refusing to move until it comes.
I was really encouraged, (well sort of) by some of out pastors here who have had incredible encounters with God, some students asked how did it come to you, and they have repeatedly said its crying out in the secret place, creating your own private history with God. When you go into meet Him to not have any agenda and setting all of your affection on Him, and just see what happens....
I have only experienced a little bit, but I have been repeatedly reminded to be thankful for what I do get and have and God will pour out more. Be thankful, be in love.
May anyone who read just fall more and more in love with the Lover of our souls.
2Timothy 1:12 For this reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless, I am not ashamed for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that day.
So. As I mentioned in an early post about getting to know the person of the Holy Spirit, not just about Him. When I read this verse a lot became clear for me, I realized that I knew a lot of God's promises and a lot things that I know to be true about Him based upon certain Scripture that I have read, but that still does not mean that I know Him! Punched in the face...POW!
I realized that this is what seperates Moses from the Israelites. The Israelites knew God's promise for them and lived in a continual state of being in want and cashing in their promise...a cold business transaction that God willingly in His love accepts. But Moses.... Moses saw God face to face, He knew His Presence, He glowed from it. It was from this posture and relationship that Moses could not help but ask God Almighty "Show me your glory." And that was the OT! The lesser covenant! Where the Presence resided in an object, but now...it resides in us. He wants to know us, not for anything we could do or any promise we could keep...(Abrahams faith alone made him righteous, no work, no labor...just faith), and our relationship to Him should be the same, just because His Presence is so sweet, it is where we shine with His glory that we are free to show to the world. It is His presence where Paul can say, "I know Him." Anyone can know the promises of God, but only those who go to the secret place, to the "thick darkness where God was"(Ex20:21). And so I have set off to know Him and to know His Presence and when it comes into the room like a friend, I want to be able to recognize His Presence. I even think we can go so far to say that our physical bodies were built to be able to sense it. After all His desire was to inhabit us.
Psalm 91:1
He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of His wing.
I am learning to practice the Presence, and like Moses refusing to move until it comes.
I was really encouraged, (well sort of) by some of out pastors here who have had incredible encounters with God, some students asked how did it come to you, and they have repeatedly said its crying out in the secret place, creating your own private history with God. When you go into meet Him to not have any agenda and setting all of your affection on Him, and just see what happens....
I have only experienced a little bit, but I have been repeatedly reminded to be thankful for what I do get and have and God will pour out more. Be thankful, be in love.
May anyone who read just fall more and more in love with the Lover of our souls.
Covenant
http://www.biblestudymanuals.net/jewish_marriage_customs.htm
http://gracethrufaith.com/selah/eternal-security/the-covenant-relationship/
Okay, so someone mentioned this phrase and truth about our status as believers"I am convenentially bound to the Uncreated One." And so, I thought to myself..."You can't just hear something like that and not look into it at least a little bit." So I started to look up covenants and what they looked like to our ancient Hebrew brothers and sisters, and what that now means for us as were are in marriage covenant with Jesus. The two websites above show different kinds of covenants, covenant of brotherhood that Jonathan and David made, and also marriage covenant. I found that it really enriched my view and understanding of what God has done with us. It would be a whole lot to type out but I wanted to offer the websites so you could check it out at your leisure. Enjoy! I hope they bless you as they did me.
http://gracethrufaith.com/selah/eternal-security/the-covenant-relationship/
Okay, so someone mentioned this phrase and truth about our status as believers"I am convenentially bound to the Uncreated One." And so, I thought to myself..."You can't just hear something like that and not look into it at least a little bit." So I started to look up covenants and what they looked like to our ancient Hebrew brothers and sisters, and what that now means for us as were are in marriage covenant with Jesus. The two websites above show different kinds of covenants, covenant of brotherhood that Jonathan and David made, and also marriage covenant. I found that it really enriched my view and understanding of what God has done with us. It would be a whole lot to type out but I wanted to offer the websites so you could check it out at your leisure. Enjoy! I hope they bless you as they did me.
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